woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Acid is not a monday night drug
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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