you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize