once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
