It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
