no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
