No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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