Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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