For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
