May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
