And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
