if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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