I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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