I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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