The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
