he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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