how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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pop tarts are not kleenex
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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