Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
