O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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