I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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