Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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