why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
being pregnant is like rehab
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
