Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need to calm my uterus...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
