Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
