I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
