just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
