Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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