the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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