Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
