I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
