so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
