I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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