So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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