Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my being single is dangerous.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Couch. On fire.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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