Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
