So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
