Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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