Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
