your parents love me but you hate me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
