I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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