one might say we're banned from that church
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
