Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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