I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
