I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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