I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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