somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The air was thick with penises
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Randomize
