she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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