you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
