I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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