i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
