he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
