So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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