so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
