Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize