Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.

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  (651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward. http://tfl.nu/djmy
  Replies (64) Good night (1958) Bad night (8526)
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  (818): View more from California

  I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.

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  (818): I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off. http://tfl.nu/7sly
  Replies (27) Good night (676) Bad night (4183)
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  (646): View more from New York

  the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.

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  (646): the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us. http://tfl.nu/x7fp
  Replies (13) Good night (6019) Bad night (722)
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  (221): View more from

  I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.

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  (221): I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/7n2x
  Replies (20) Good night (1306) Bad night (7567)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.

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  (612): I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical. http://tfl.nu/d9c8
  Replies (29) Good night (11391) Bad night (967)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!

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  (757): then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?! http://tfl.nu/zl1v
  Replies (14) Good night (1101) Bad night (4195)
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  (916): View more from California

  Sadness tears and throw up everywhere

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  (916): Sadness tears and throw up everywhere http://tfl.nu/ierj
  Replies (5) Good night (824) Bad night (2260)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.

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  (214): Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house. http://tfl.nu/po12
  Replies (10) Good night (2170) Bad night (817)
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  (619): View more from California

  you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.

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  (619): you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list. http://tfl.nu/xg4q
  Replies (24) Good night (2025) Bad night (709)
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  (760): View more from California

  You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare

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  (760): You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare http://tfl.nu/ctrq
  Replies (13) Good night (826) Bad night (2367)
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  (315): View more from New York

  You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"

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  (315): You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?" http://tfl.nu/ihjb
  Replies (4) Good night (1081) Bad night (841)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab

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  (402): Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab http://tfl.nu/rn99
  Replies (3) Good night (834) Bad night (477)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.

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  (423): Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill. http://tfl.nu/tqj8
  Replies (2) Good night (1437) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.

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  (813): Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line. http://tfl.nu/x7j1
  Replies (5) Good night (854) Bad night (335)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.

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  (775): He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it. http://tfl.nu/09j3
  Replies (9) Good night (754) Bad night (522)

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