She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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