Texts From Last Night

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  (819): View more from Quebec

  its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger

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  (819): its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger http://tfl.nu/0bs6
  Replies (10) Good night (3830) Bad night (815)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn

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  (520): Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn http://tfl.nu/666p
  Replies (20) Good night (6730) Bad night (859)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.

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  (703): The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up. http://tfl.nu/ttp7
  Replies (14) Good night (5614) Bad night (1703)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  You said your dick dragged you up the stairs

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  (207): You said your dick dragged you up the stairs http://tfl.nu/g6yn
  Replies (3) Good night (3270) Bad night (812)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.

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  (954): I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother. http://tfl.nu/rbuh
  Replies (9) Good night (2669) Bad night (1513)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.

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  (+44): I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you. http://tfl.nu/998a
  Replies (5) Good night (2636) Bad night (1245)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.

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  (740): I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever. http://tfl.nu/glym
  Replies (22) Good night (5363) Bad night (737)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.

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  (740): do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment. http://tfl.nu/04bg
  Replies (12) Good night (2329) Bad night (1140)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.

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  (780): I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall. http://tfl.nu/azun
  Replies (5) Good night (663) Bad night (549)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.

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  (970): I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me. http://tfl.nu/0q6n
  Replies (1) Good night (882) Bad night (369)
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  (310): View more from California

  i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works

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  (310): i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works http://tfl.nu/taju
  Replies (4) Good night (998) Bad night (281)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.

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  (304): I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here. http://tfl.nu/t14q
  Replies (5) Good night (689) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.

  (714): View more from California

  Worser: she offered to clean me up

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  (714): Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted. (714): Worser: she offered to clean me up http://tfl.nu/1w2l
  Replies (11) Good night (307) Bad night (816)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH

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  (262): The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH http://tfl.nu/v3lg
  Replies (0) Good night (671) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"

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  (713): If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in" http://tfl.nu/euzu
  Replies (8) Good night (456) Bad night (185)

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