Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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