Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
