Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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