I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
