the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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