I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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