dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
tequila makes me forget i have legs
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.