Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You are the jesus of drinking
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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