was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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