This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
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Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
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The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.