Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.