Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.