you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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