if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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