well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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