I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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