so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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