You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
