so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
