I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
