I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
