made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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