Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
